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Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Fine
Seems
Kind
Incur
Vegas
Seem

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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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I was always a thin kid I was an athlete.
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Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.
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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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