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Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Vegas
Seem
Fine
Seems
Kind
Incur

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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
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But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.
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I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.
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Whiskey will always be a part of my life.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?
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I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.
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It's good to be alive.
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I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.
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