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'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

Artie Lange

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Artie Lange
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: October 11
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Livingston
New Jersey
Arthur Steven Lange
Jr.
Arthur Lange
Jr.
Artie Steven Lange
Jr.
Artie Lange
Jr.
Takes
Sports
Courses
Course
High
Way
Mighty
World
Writers
Serious

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I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.
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If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.
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All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.
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When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.
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Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.
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When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.
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Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
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My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that
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I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.
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I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.
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Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.
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Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.
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The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.
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I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.
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It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.
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Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world
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The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.
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You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.
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