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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Looks
Titanic
First
Cruise
Going
Director
Life
Directors
Class
May
Look
Firsts

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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