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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
First
Cruise
Going
Director
Life
Directors
Class
May
Look
Firsts
Looks
Titanic

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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