Quote

I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Looks
Titanic
First
Cruise
Going
Director
Life
Directors
Class
May
Look
Firsts

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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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