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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
First
Cruise
Going
Director
Life
Directors
Class
May
Look
Firsts
Looks
Titanic

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
Art Buchwald
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The best things in life aren't things.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
Art Buchwald
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
Art Buchwald
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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