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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
First
Cruise
Going
Director
Life
Directors
Class
May
Look
Firsts
Looks
Titanic

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald