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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Worse
Gets
Economy
Else
Better
Everything

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
Art Buchwald
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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The best things in life aren't things.
Art Buchwald
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald