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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Millions
Cola
Bring
Coca
Home
Bottle
Back
Bottles
Mind
Chinese
Drinking
Million
Travel
Empties

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald