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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Million
Travel
Empties
Millions
Cola
Bring
Coca
Home
Bottle
Back
Bottles
Mind
Chinese
Drinking

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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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