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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Rooms
Modern
Pretend
House
Son
Part
Door
Best
Clean
Way
Close
Doors
Room

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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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