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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Son
House
Part
Door
Best
Clean
Way
Close
Doors
Room
Rooms
Pretend
Modern
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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