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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Rooms
Modern
Pretend
House
Son
Part
Door
Best
Clean
Way
Close
Doors
Room
More quotes by Art Buchwald
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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