Quote

Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Women
Jimmy
Nothing
Reagan
Writing
Test
Lusted
Heart
Tests
Crook
Think
Says
Crooks
Thinking
Taken
Nixon
President
Dope
Write
Carter

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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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