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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Sadness
Yesterday
Hell
Today
Time
Admitting
Nostalgia
Hung
Pretend
More quotes by Art Buchwald
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald
The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald