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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Time
Admitting
Nostalgia
Hung
Pretend
Sadness
Yesterday
Hell
Today

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
Art Buchwald
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
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The things that matter most are not things.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald