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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Hell
Today
Time
Admitting
Nostalgia
Hung
Pretend
Sadness
Yesterday

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald