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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Men
Economist
Love
Hundred
Ways
Making
Doesn
Money
Women
Way

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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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