Quote

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Well
Health
Medicare
Would
Stay
Weeks
Week
Gotten
Three
Impression
Two
Six
Stills
Anymore
Still
Later
Wells
Pay
Hospice

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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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