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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Would
Stay
Weeks
Week
Gotten
Three
Impression
Two
Six
Stills
Anymore
Still
Later
Wells
Pay
Hospice
Well
Health
Medicare

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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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