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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Two
Six
Stills
Anymore
Still
Later
Wells
Pay
Hospice
Well
Health
Medicare
Would
Stay
Weeks
Week
Gotten
Three
Impression

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
Art Buchwald