Quote

When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Still
Later
Wells
Pay
Hospice
Well
Health
Medicare
Would
Stay
Weeks
Week
Gotten
Three
Impression
Two
Six
Stills
Anymore

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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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