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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Well
Health
Medicare
Would
Stay
Weeks
Week
Gotten
Three
Impression
Two
Six
Stills
Anymore
Still
Later
Wells
Pay
Hospice
More quotes by Art Buchwald
Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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The best things in life aren't things.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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