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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Important
Writing
Thing
Parties
Party
Book

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
Art Buchwald
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
Art Buchwald
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald