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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Book
Important
Writing
Thing
Parties
Party

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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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