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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Party
Book
Important
Writing
Thing
Parties

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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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