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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Men
Somewhere
Supposed
Sitting
Hell
Wonder
Fighting
Marching
War
Parades
Around
Wondering
More quotes by Art Buchwald
If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
Art Buchwald
When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
Art Buchwald
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
Art Buchwald
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
Art Buchwald
You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Art Buchwald
The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
Art Buchwald
I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
Art Buchwald
While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
Art Buchwald
If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald