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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
War
Parades
Around
Wondering
Men
Somewhere
Supposed
Sitting
Hell
Wonder
Fighting
Marching

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
Art Buchwald