Quote

War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Sitting
Hell
Wonder
Fighting
Marching
War
Parades
Around
Wondering
Men
Somewhere
Supposed

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
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The things that matter most are not things.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
Art Buchwald
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald