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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
World
Chance
Rather
Humdrum
Lives
Welcomed
War
Mentioned
Ever
Thousands
Country
Escape
Way
Fight
Men
Fighting

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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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