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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Country
Escape
Way
Fight
Men
Fighting
World
Chance
Rather
Humdrum
Lives
Welcomed
War
Mentioned
Ever
Thousands

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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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