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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Lives
Welcomed
War
Mentioned
Ever
Thousands
Country
Escape
Way
Fight
Men
Fighting
World
Chance
Rather
Humdrum

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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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