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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Normal
Higher
Whether
Constructive
Take
List
Something
Lists
Always
Tennis
Things
Seriously
Would
Sex
More quotes by Art Buchwald
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald