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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Getting
Even
Trying
Really
People
Answer
Humor
Answers
Asks

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
Art Buchwald
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
Art Buchwald