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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Answers
Asks
Getting
Even
Trying
Really
People
Answer
Humor

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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The things that matter most are not things.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
Art Buchwald
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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