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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Humans
Failing
Column
Great
Humor
Columns
Writing
Dangerous
Humiliation
Audience
Performing
Suffering
Suffer
Anything
Fail
Live
Fronts
Human
Front

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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