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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Fail
Anything
Fronts
Live
Front
Human
Failing
Column
Humans
Humor
Columns
Great
Dangerous
Humiliation
Writing
Performing
Audience
Suffer
Suffering

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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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