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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Audience
Performing
Suffering
Suffer
Anything
Fail
Live
Fronts
Human
Front
Humans
Failing
Column
Great
Humor
Columns
Writing
Dangerous
Humiliation

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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