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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Great
Humor
Columns
Writing
Dangerous
Humiliation
Audience
Performing
Suffering
Suffer
Anything
Fail
Live
Fronts
Human
Front
Humans
Failing
Column

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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