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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Anything
Fail
Live
Fronts
Human
Front
Humans
Failing
Column
Great
Humor
Columns
Writing
Dangerous
Humiliation
Audience
Performing
Suffering
Suffer

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
Art Buchwald