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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Live
Fronts
Human
Front
Humans
Failing
Column
Great
Humor
Columns
Writing
Dangerous
Humiliation
Audience
Performing
Suffering
Suffer
Anything
Fail

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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The things that matter most are not things.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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