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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Humans
Failing
Column
Great
Humor
Columns
Writing
Dangerous
Humiliation
Audience
Performing
Suffering
Suffer
Anything
Fail
Live
Fronts
Human
Front

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald