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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Attack
Pearl
Took
Harbors
Education
Ticket
High
Discussing
Friends
Pearls
School
Tickets
Problem
Japanese
Dawned
Country
Personally
Harbor
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
