Quote

While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Country
Personally
Harbor
Attack
Pearl
Took
Harbors
Education
Ticket
High
Discussing
Friends
Pearls
School
Tickets
Problem
Japanese
Dawned

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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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