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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Change
Might
Mind
Weeks
Suicide
Commit
Later
Week
Two

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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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The things that matter most are not things.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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