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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Forgotten
Speech
Minutes
Something
Would
Afterlife
Graduation
Profound

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
Art Buchwald
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
Art Buchwald
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
Art Buchwald
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
Art Buchwald
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
Art Buchwald
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
Art Buchwald