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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Would
Afterlife
Graduation
Profound
Forgotten
Speech
Minutes
Something

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
Art Buchwald
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
Art Buchwald
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
Art Buchwald
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
Art Buchwald
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
Art Buchwald
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
Art Buchwald
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
Art Buchwald
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
Art Buchwald
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald