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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Dialysis
Didn
Thought
Wanted
Everything
Done
Years
More quotes by Art Buchwald
The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald