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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Dialysis
Didn
Thought
Wanted
Everything
Done
Years
More quotes by Art Buchwald
This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
Art Buchwald
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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