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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Alive
Morning
Happy
Whole
Woke

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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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