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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Woke
Alive
Morning
Happy
Whole
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
Art Buchwald
This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
Art Buchwald
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald