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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Take
Dialysis
Became
Hero
Alive
Everyone
Didn
Stills
Still

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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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