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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Alive
Everyone
Didn
Stills
Still
Take
Dialysis
Became
Hero

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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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