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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Everyone
Didn
Stills
Still
Take
Dialysis
Became
Hero
Alive
More quotes by Art Buchwald
Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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The things that matter most are not things.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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