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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Real
Pathos
Journalism
Page
Pages
Television
Two
Problem

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
Art Buchwald
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
Art Buchwald
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
Art Buchwald
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
Art Buchwald