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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Problem
Real
Pathos
Journalism
Page
Pages
Television
Two
More quotes by Art Buchwald
I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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I didn't go on dialysis because I was 81 years old and I'd done everything I wanted, or so I thought.
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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The best things in life aren't things.
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The reason I don't play golf is because I was a caddie when I was 13. Women never gave up a golf ball that was lost somewhere in the trees and thicket and down through the poison ivy. It was during one of these searches that I vowed to the Lord above that if I ever earned enough money I would never set foot on a course again.
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Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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