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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Two
Problem
Real
Pathos
Journalism
Page
Pages
Television

More quotes by Art Buchwald

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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
Art Buchwald
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
Art Buchwald
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When I got to the hospice I was under the impression it would be a two- or three-week stay. But here I still am, six weeks later, and I've gotten so well Medicare won't pay for me anymore.
Art Buchwald
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
Art Buchwald
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Human beings thrive on action. Stagnation does not wear well with us. We are said to have our origins as hunter-gatherers. We run and we chase. We are problem-solvers. We must be continuously tested and we continuously test ourselves. And it will not end until our lives end because of life itself.
Art Buchwald
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I learned quickly that when I made others laugh, they liked me.
Art Buchwald
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The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
Art Buchwald
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
Art Buchwald
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
Art Buchwald
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
Art Buchwald
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
Art Buchwald
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
Art Buchwald
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
Art Buchwald