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Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Beginning
Food
Else
Something
French
Way
Evening
Always
Dinner
Regard
Americans
More quotes by Art Buchwald
While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I don't mind 800 million Chinese drinking a bottle [of Coca-Cola] a day, but I don't want them to bring back the empties.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Any company executive who overcharges the government more than $5 million will be fined $50 or have to go to traffic school three nights a week
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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I like champagne because it always tastes as though my foot's asleep.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.
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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
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The most important thing about writing a book is having book parties.
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I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.
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