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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Alive
Everyone
Didn
Stills
Still
Take
Dialysis
Became
Hero
More quotes by Art Buchwald
Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?
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If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
Art Buchwald
I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.
Art Buchwald
Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters?
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This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys.
Art Buchwald
This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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While my friends were discussing Pearl Harbor as the country's problem, I took it personally. It dawned on me that the Japanese attack could be my ticket out of high school.
Art Buchwald
People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
Art Buchwald
An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I don't know whether it's normal or not, but sex has always been something that I take seriously. I would put it higher than tennis on my list of constructive things to do.
Art Buchwald
Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, I am not a crook. Jimmy Carter says, I have lusted after women in my heart. President Reagan says, I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.
Art Buchwald
The things that matter most are not things.
Art Buchwald
