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I became a hero to everyone because I didn't take dialysis and was still alive.

Art Buchwald

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Art Buchwald
Age: 81 †
Born: 1925
Born: October 20
Died: 2007
Died: January 17
Columnist
Essayist
Humorist
Journalist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Writer
Mount Vernon
New York
Everyone
Didn
Stills
Still
Take
Dialysis
Became
Hero
Alive

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No one ever mentioned it, but thousands of men welcomed World War II as a way to escape their humdrum lives rather than a chance to fight for God and country.
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I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
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On the whole I woke up in the morning and was happy to be alive.
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I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
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I contemplated suicide. My main concern was that I would not make the New York Times obituary page.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.
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The best way to clean up a son's room is to close the door and pretend it's not part of the house.
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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It was a dangerous profession I had chosen ... because no one likes a funny kid. In fact, adults are scared silly of them and tend to warn children who act out that they are going to wind up in prison or worse. It is only when you grow up that they pay you vast sums of money to make them laugh.
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The things that matter most are not things.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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War for most men is not fighting or marching in parades. It is sitting around somewhere wondering what the hell you are supposed to be doing.
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Sharing our depressions felt like having survived a war. The experience bonds you to the other person for life.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, I'm getting even
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Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
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Writing humor in my column isn't as dangerous as performing it. If I fail in front of a live audience, the humiliation is as great as anything a human being can suffer.
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As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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I'm working when I'm fighting with my wife. I constantly ask myself-how can I use this stuff to literary advantage.
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Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?
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